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With whole heart and soul to my marriage with this woman as well as the
dower already upon her, I consent, I consent, I consent.
Marriage is enjoined upon every Muslim, and celibacy is frequently
condemned by Muhammad. Consequently in Islam, even the ascetic orders are
rather married than single.
The celebration of marriage contract is called nikaah. It is according to
Muslim law, simply a civil contract, and its validity does not depend upon
any religious ceremony. Though the civil contract is not positively
prescribed to be reduced to writing, its validity depends upon the consent
of the parties, which is called ijab and qabul. Declaration and acceptance
in the presence of two male witnesses and a dower of no less than ten
dirhams, to be settled upon the bride. The omission of the settlement does
not, however, invalidate the marriage.
The Muslim law appoints no specific religious ceremony, nor are any
religious rites necessary for the contraction of a valid marriage. In
India there is little difference between the rites that are practiced at
the marriage ceremonies of the Shias and Sunnis.
In all cases the religious ceremony is left entirely to the discretion
of the Qazi or person who performs the wedding . Consequently there is no
uniformity of ritual. Some Qazis merely recite the Fatihah (the first
chapter of the Quran), and the durud or blessing.
The most common order of performing the service is that the Qazi, the
bridegroom and the bride's attorney, with the witnesses assemble in some
convenient place. Arrangements are made as to the amount of dower or mehr.
The bridegroom then repeats various lines after the Qazi ending with qabul,
qabul, qabul.
After the nikaah the groom is taken to the zenana (ladies' section). At
the threshold, he gives money and gifts to the sister of the bride. The
groom receives the blessings of the elder women and offers them his salaam
or salutations. Dinner is served separately to the ladies and the
gentlemen. For the first time, after dinner both the couple are seated
together and a dupatta is used to cover their heads while the maulvi makes
them read some prayers.
The groom stays overnight in a separate room at the girl's house with a
younger brother. In the morning, the boy's family come to accompany the
bridal couple to their home. During the rukhsat, the father of the bride
gives her hand to her husband and asks him to protect her always.
What is happening here? [see below]
Akht
In Islam, the Akht ceremony registers the union of the couple in the
eyes of God and society. In Bangladesh, the Akht also serves as a legal
declaration of marriage which is recognized by the state. The marriage
contract is specified, and the groom (or someone acting on his behalf,
such as a guardian) then proposes marriage. Two witnesses must witness the
proposal and the bride's acceptance. The bride accepts by saying "kobul"
(I accept) three times. The bride and groom seal the covenant by signing
their names and putting their thumbprints in the wedding registry. The
person conducting the wedding then invokes the blessing of God through
prayer. Following traditional Islamic customs, the bride and groom share
fruit of the date palm.
The Gae Halud
The Gae Halud (Ga.e ho-luTH), translated, means the turmeric
ceremony. This ceremony is more a cultural artifact than a
religious one, and originates from ancient Bengali tradition. In a
typical Bengali Muslim wedding, the Gae Halud precedes the Akht.
There are two such ceremonies, one for the bride and one for the
groom. The spice turmeric is a traditional complexion enhancer,
and the whole concept of this ceremony is to help the bride and
groom get all "prettied up" for the wedding. While we
had all accoutrements of a traditional Gae Halud, we combined the
two ceremonies into one.
The bride's Gae Halud usually occurs first, with a small party of
the groom's family and close friends (sans the groom) travelling
to the bride's home. They bring gifts for the bride such as saris,
jewels, cosmetics and other items for the bride to wear until the
wedding day. The gifts are all colorfully wrapped and are carried
upon bamboo woven trays.
The bride's family and friends will greet the groom's family at
the gate with morsels of sweets and flower petals. Traditionally,
women wear yellow saris with red borders. Red and yellow are the
traditional colors of Bengali weddings. (Now you know the reason
for our wedding site's color theme.) Men usually wear punjabis,
which is a long silken tunic.
Flowers are everywhere, and alpana patterns (an inricate pattern
based on a paisley motif) decorate the room. The bride, who is
dressed in a sari and wearing flower ornaments, sits on a
decorated dias that has been specially constructed for the
occasion. The groom's mother ties a rakhi (a golden fringed
bracelet-type ornament) around the bride's wrist. This symbol of
betrothal is not to be taken off until after the wedding. People
then come to the dias one by one and place a bit of turmeric upon
the bride's face, as well as a token amount of the turmeric on
their own face. Each person then feeds something sweet, such as
kheer (a rice porridge), to the bride. The groom's Gae Halud is
analogous to the bride's. |
The Mala Badol
The Mala Badol (ma.la baTHol) is a traditonal Bengali Muslim wedding
ceremony which takes place after the Gae Halud. Mala Badol literally means
an exchange of garlands, and symbolises the union of the bride and the
groom. Usually the Akht and the Mala Badol happen on the same day, with
the Akht occuring first. The Mala Badol is often termed the walima, and is
hosted by the bride's family.
The groom dresses up in a white sherwani (long ankle length collarless
jacket) and a pagree (turban). He will also be wearing traditional nagras
(decorative loafers). The groom's mother feeds the groom some sweets and
milk, and offers a prayer for his lifelong happiness as part of a
ceremonial send off. The groom's party heads off in a ceremonial
motorcade, with lights flashing and horns blaring.
The bride dresses in an elegant red silk sari that is embroidered in a
gold filigree. She also wears layers of gold jewelery. The bride's face is
painted with an intricate pattern across the forehead and down to the
temples.
The groom's party arrives at the gate of the wedding location where they
are stopped by younger members of the bride's family. An exorbitant amount
of money is demanded of the groom in exchange for entrance to the
ceremony. A period of fun haggling begins and continues until either
hunger sets in, or an elder steps in, whichever occurs first. The groom is
settled upon a decorated dias to await the bride. During this time,
members of the bride's family may attempt to steal the groom's nagras.
It's up to the groom's friends to prevent this fun-natured thievery, or
else another exorbitant amount will be demanded for the return of the
stolen goods.
The bride joins the groom, and the Akht is performed. After the wedding
vows, dinner is usually served and the mala badol commences after dinner.
For the mala badol, a translucent muslin cloth is placed over both the
bride and the groom. They feed each other and share a drink of borhani (a
spicy yogurt drink). They glance at each other through a mirror, and the
groom is asked, "What do you see?" He answers with a poetic
endearment such as, "I see the rest of my life." The bride
answers the same question in a similar fashion. Traditionally, the glance
in the mirror may have been the first time the couple saw each other. The
couple exchange garlands of flowers. In recent years, the new tradition of
exchanging rings has been included in the ceremony.
A few days later there is yet one more ceremony, the bou bhat (bo.u bh.a.t),
which literally means "bride's rice". This reception, which is
hosted by the groom's family, is the first time for the couple to step out
socially as a married couple, and symbolises the beginning of their new
life. We combined our mala badol and bou bhat ceremonies into one
celebration. |
Bohri
Weddings
Marriage is always a time of joy and passion. And
for Dawoodi Bohras, a time for feasting. Marriages are also a time for
endless guest lists, catering problems, decorations, and don't forget that
plastic smile on your face. Whew! The most notable part of Bohri weddings
is the grandeur with which they celebrate the occasion. There's ample
food, lavishly done-up venues, and sometimes even parting gifts for the
guests. There are many small customs that add their own flavour to the
wedding, though all of them are not usually incorporated. However, some
customs remain common to all Bohri weddings.
REGISTERING AT THE MOSQUE
On a scheduled date, the couple, along with the
bride's father and two witnesses, goes to the local maulvi and gets their
marriage registered. At this time, the bride has to demand a meher which
is an amount that will be handed over to her by her husband on the day of
the nikaah (I know someone who asked for half of her husband's property
for meher, and yes, he gave it to her). This is to ensure that the woman
is not left high and dry in case the couple decides to separate in the
future.
NIKAAH
On the appointed day, the witnesses go over to the
bride's house and take her permission for the marriage. This is when the
nikaah actually takes place. That is the actual marriage ceremony. The
rest of the ceremony, where the father gives his daughter away in front of
the maulvi, takes place between the groom and the bride's father. But the
real festivities in a Bohri wedding begin only after the nikaah. Every
ceremony, except the nikaah, is done twice, once by the groom's side and
then by the bride's. For example, there are always two receptions, at
their respective homes or venues. It's only after the second reception,
which is from the bride's side, that the couple consummates their marriage
- so you better hope they are scheduled close together.
MAJLIS
One of the most important parts of a bohri wedding
is the prayer function called majlis, which literally means gathering. The
majlis is essentially for women. Beginning at around four o'clock in the
evening, it lasts for about an hour and a half. There are groups of women
who specialise in praying some special marasyas (religious songs) that can
be a funny parody or a tear-jerker, at weddings. The feasting only begins
at night when the men arrive.
GOL SHARBAT
At the bride's house, they also have the peramni,
where the bride's family presents gifts to the groom's family. The gifts
can be big or small, depending on the budget. Next comes the gol sharbat,
where once again the bride's side of the family offers jaggery and sharbat
to the groom's family. On this day, the groom's mother hands over the
gifts or the trousseau to the bride.
MEHENDI
But the most enjoyable part of any Bohri wedding is
the mehendi and peethi function. The fun part is covering the bride and
groom, and everyone else present, with haldi. But they don't stop only at
haldi. Things get pretty messy with things like toothpaste, etc being
used. If you're the type who doesn't like getting your hair, skin and
clothes all ruffled and dirty, a piece of advise, STAY AWAY! It's the only
function where everyone is allowed to freak out. There's dancing, singing,
and sometimes people go completely wild!
MANDVA
On this day, a mandva is tied to the ceiling at the
door of both the bride's and the groom's houses. A mandva is basically an
assortment of things that are considered auspicious, wrapped in a red
cloth bundle, and tied on four sticks. On the wedding night, the couple
goes over to each other's house. The groom has to pick up the bride and
she breaks the mandva from one side.
RECEPTION
The grand finale comes with the receptions. Bohris
thrive on good food so the feast is one you won't forget in a hurry. And
any marriage reception is ample proof of that.
The men and women sit separately for the meal. They divide themselves into
groups of eight to ten and sit round a thal (which is a really big thaali).
Dinner is served in about five courses. One point to keep in mind is that
bohri food is strictly non-vegetarian.
Greenery is respected and untouched here! The meal begins with the sweet
rice, followed by ice-cream, chicken, and then maybe another round of
ice-cream and chicken, and then the main course, usually biryani. The
groom's mother then gives the bride a new pair of shoes, along with a
gift, usually something in gold, welcoming the bride to her home.
After all the rituals are over, the bride's uncle ties a red dupatta round
the couple, and shows them the way out of the reception hall with a
lantern.
The family goes home, the couple is sent to their room for their wedding
night. And well, we all know what happens next!
Ancient Wedding Veil
WAEL AND LAURA'S WEDDING
We got married in the backyard of our house to save money. We had about
twenty five guests, only our closest friends.
Wael's friend Ardeshir recited from the Qur'an.
Then Amir Abdul Malik Ali from Masjid al-Islam gave a wonderful talk about
the meaning of marriage in Islam.
Then the contract was signed, everyone ate dinner, and that was it! It was
a wonderful day and we wouldn't change a thing about it.
Somali Wedding Dance
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WEDDINGS IN ISLAM
by Mir Mohmmed Assadullah
Spouses
Allah, most Gracious says about spouses in Quran:
Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you among
yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has
planted love and mercy between you; In that are signs for people who
reflect.
Qur'an [30 : 21]
and says:
... they are a garment for you and you are a garment to them ...
Qur'an [2 : 187]
Consider this in conjunction with the following verse:
... the best garment is the garment of God-consciousness ...
Qur'an [7 : 26]
It requires that a husband and wife should be as garments for each other.
Just as garments are for protection, comfort, show and concealment for
human beings, Allah expects husbands and wives to be for one another.
And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends of one another;
they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship and
they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and His messenger; as for
those, Allah will have mercy on them; Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise. Allah
hath promised to believers - men and women - gardens underwhich rivers
flow, to dwell therein, and beautiful mansions in gardens of everlasting
bliss; but the greatest bliss is the good pleasure of Allah: This is the
supreme felicity.
Qur'an [9 : 71 - 72]
Whom to marry
Allah also gives us freedom and urges us to:
...Marry the women of your choice...
Qur'an [4 : 3]
Similarly, for the women:
"A girl came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and informed him that
her father had married her to her cousin against her wishes, whereupon the
Prophet allowed her to exercise her choice. She then said, 'I am
reconciled to what my father did but I wanted to make it known to women
that fathers have no say in this matter'".
[Ibn Majah]
Narrated Abdullah: "We were with the Prophet, peace be upon him,
while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle, peace
be upon him, said, `O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should
marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and
whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his
sexual power.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `A woman
is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her
beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman
[otherwise] you will be a loser.'"
[Bukhari]
Mahr
Mahr is the gift that is given by the husband to his wife at wedding. It
can be anything in any amount, as agreed by the bride and bride-groom.
Allah says about Mahr in the Chapter `Woman' in Quran:
And give the women (on marriage) their Mahr as a free gift ...
Qur'an [4 : 4]
But if you had given the latter a cantar (of gold i.e. a great amount) for
dower (Mahr) take not the least bit of it back ...
Qur'an [4 : 20]
Narrated Sahl bin Sa`d: " A woman came to the Prophet,, and presented
herself to him (for marriage). He said, 'I am not in need of women these
days.' Then a man said, 'O Allah's Apostle! Marry her to me." The
Prophet asked him, 'What have you got?' He said, 'I have got nothing.' The
Prophet said, 'Give her something, even an iron ring.' He said, 'I have
got nothing.' The Prophet asked (him), "How much of the Quran do you
know (by heart)?' He said, 'So much and so much.' The Prophet said, 'I
have married her to you for what you know of the Quran.' '"
[Bukhari]
Sex
Sex is seen as an act of procreation. An eye for the what is about to come
is kept open in this respect as well. The following prayer reminds us of
God, results of our actions, and reminds us of our commitment to train our
offsprings.
Narrated Ibn Abbas: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `If anyone
of you, when having a sexual intercourse with his wife says:
In the name of Allah! O Allah! Protect me from Satan and protect what you
bestow upon us (i.e. an offspring) from Satan.
and if it is destined that they should have a child, then Satan will never
be able to harm him.'"
[Bukhari]
Walima
Walima is the wedding reception given to friends and family after the
consummation of marriage. It is given by the husband on this auspicious
occassion, showing his happiness and sharing it with the friends and
family.
Narrated Anas: When 'Abdur-Rahman came to us, the Prophet established a
bond of brotherhood between him and Sa'd bin Ar-Rabi'. Once the Prophet
said, "As you (O 'Abdur-Rahman) have married, give a wedding banquet
even if with one sheep." '"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Musa: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `Set the
captives free, accept the invitation (including to a wedding banquet), and
pay a visit to the patients.'"
[Bukhari]
By this saying of the Prophet, peace be upon him, it is also enjoined upon
us to join in the happiness of our brothers.
Duties and Rights of Husband and Wife after marriage
Allah informs us about the just rights of each other on us:
... the wife's rights (with regard to their husbands) are equal to the
(husband's) rights with regard to them, although men are a degree above
them; and Allah is Almighty, Wise.
Qur'an [2 : 228]
The statement that men are a degree above women means that authority
within the household has been give to the husband in preference to the
wife because a heavier burden has been placed on his shoulders by another
verse of the Quran which says:
Men shall take full care of women, because Allah has given the one more
strength than the other, and because they support them from their
means.Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in
(the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard ...
Qur'an [4 : 34]
Advices to Husbands
Jabir Narrated that the Prophet, peace be upon him, gave these
instructions in his sermon during Farewell Pilgrimage: "Fear God
regarding women; for you have taken them [in marriage] with the trust of
God."
[Mishkat]
Narrated Aisha, God's messenger said: "Among the believers who show
most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition, and are
kindest to their families."
[Tirmidhi]
Narrated Abu Huraira, God's messenger said: "The believers who show
the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the
best of you are those who are best to their wives."
[Tirmidhi]
Aisha has related that the Holy Prophet, peace be upon him, would enter
the house with a pleasing disposition and a smile on his lips.
[Uswa-i-Hasana]
Narrated Al-Aswad: "I asked Aisha, `What did the Prophet, peace be
upon him, do at home?' She said, `He used to work for his family and when
he heard the call for the prayer, he would go out.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `The
woman is like a rib; if you try to straighten her, she will break. So if
you want to get benefit from her, do so while she still has some
bent.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `Whoever
believes in Allah and the Last Day should not hurt (trouble) his neighbor.
And I advise you to take care of women, for they are created from a rib
and the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper part; if you try to
straighten it, it will break, and if you leave it, it will reamin crooked,
so I urge you to take care of women.
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-As: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon
him, said, `O Abdullah! Have I not been informed that you fast all the day
and stand in prayer all night?' I said, `Yes, O Allah's Apostle!' He said,
`Do not do that! Observe the fast sometimes and also leave them at other
times; stand up for the prayer at night and also sleep at night. Your body
has a right over you and your eyes have right over you and your wife has a
right over you.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Ibn Umar: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `All of you
are guardians and are responsible for your wards. The ruler is a guardian
and the man is a guardian of his family; the lady is a guardian who is
responsible for her husband's house and his offspring; and so all of you
are guardians and are responsible for your wards.'"
[Bukhari]
Men should forbear any shortcomings of women in view of the following
verse of Quran:
Live with them in kindness; even if you dislike them, perhaps you dislike
something in which God has placed much good.
Qur'an [4 : 19]
Advices to Wives
Anas reported God's messenger as saying, "When a woman observes the
five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and
obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of paradise she
wishes (in other words nothing will prevent her from entering
paradise)."
[Mishkat]
Um Salama reported God's messenger as saying, "Any woman who dies
when her husband is pleased with her will enter Paradise."
[Tirmidhi]
Abu Huraira told that when God's messenger was asked which woman was best,
he replied, "The one who fills [her husband] with joy when he sees
her, obeys him when he directs and does not oppose him by displeasing him
regarding her person or property."
[Mishkat]
Providing for wife and family
Quran teaches us to be reasonable and fair to our wives and family.
House women wherever you reside, accoding to your circumstances, and do
not harass them in order to make life difficult for them ...
Qur'an [65 : 6]
The statement of Allah in the chapter `Woman':
`Men are protectors and maintainers of women ...'
Qur'an [4 : 34]
Bukhari quotes the following verse under the heading: .. the superiority
of providing for one's family:
(O Mohammed!) They ask you what they ought to spend. Say: That which is
beyond your needs. Thus Allah make clear to you His Signs in order that
you may give thought (to it) in this worldly life and the Hereafter ...
Qur'an [2 : 219-220]
Narrated Abu Masud Al-Ansari: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said,
`When a Muslim spends something on his family intending to receive Allah's
reward, it is regarded as Sadqa (spending in the name of God) for
him.'"
[Bukhari]
We should always remember that Allah is the one who gives us, we are mere
trustees of the funds.
Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said,
`Allah said, O the son of Adam! Spend, and I shall spend on you.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `The
best alms is that which you give when you are rich, and you should support
your dependants first.'"
[Bukhari]
Abu Huraira reported God's messenger, peace be upon him, as saying:
"Of the dinar (unit of currency) that you spend as a contribution in
God's path, or to set free a slave, or as charity given to a needy, or to
support your family, the one yielding the greatest reward is that which
you spent on your family.
[Muslim] |
