Notes on Jewish Weddings For general wedding information see the Weddings page.
What's Jewish About the Jewish Wedding? by Rabbi Jeffrey K. Salkin The most difficult issues in contemporary Judaism revolve around life-cycle events. Questions rabbis receive about them often compel us to confront the big issues of life and to clarify our beliefs and commitments. These days, no life-cycle ceremony causes as much concern among Jews as the wedding, for more than any other ritual, it reflects the sacred flow of Jewish history, tradition, and theology. On one level, the Jewish wedding signifies a new partnership between two people and two families. On another, it is a sacred drama -- an allegory of the covenental relationship between God and the Jewish people. The Jewish imagination deliberately merges those two covenants--husband and wife, Israel and God--each mirroring the other. The purpose of both covenants is to create and celebrate kedusha, which comes from the same Hebrew root as the word for marriage, kiddushin, meaning to be sanctified, set apart, lifted above the animal-like and mundane, touched by God. Wedding ceremonies begin with the sanctification of space. The bride and groom walk down the aisle and stand beneath the chuppah (bridal canopy), an island of private holy space symbolizing the Jewish home. Metaphorically, the couple is standing in its own "Holy of Holies" in the midst of a larger "Jerusalem" -- a community of guests who represent the entire Jewish people, past, present , and future. Next, the rabbi or cantor reads or chants certain psalms that recall the entry of the Israelites into the ancient Temple in Jerusalem: "...Blessed are those who come here in the name of God; we bless you from the house of God." The recitation of psalms is followed by the Shehechyanu, giving thanks to God for bringing us to this sacred point in time. This blessing, which is not included in traditional weddings, underscores the crucial importance of the sanctity of this moment in the life of the couple, the family, and, by extension, the Jewish people. The traditional Jewish wedding ceremony includes two sections that convey the holiness of the marriage act: birchot erusin, the engagement blessings, and birchun nisuin, the wedding blessings. The birchot nisuin begins with the blessing over the wine, followed by: "We praise you, Adonai our God, Ruler of the Universe, who hallows us with mitzvot and consecrates this marriage." The Hebrew, which translates, "God has permitted us to marry certain people through chuppah and kiddushin," reminds us that there are both permitted and forbidden sexual relationships (adultery, incest and those who are already engaged to someone else). The couple then declares that each is holy to the other with the central statement of the wedding ceremony and the exchanging of rings: Hare at mekudeshet (attach mekudash) li betaba' at zo k'dat Moshe v' Yisrael, "With this ring you are consecrated to me as my wife (or husband) in accordance with the law (more accurately, religious teaching) of Moses and the people Israel." This statement has two functions. First, it declares that husband and wife are holy to each other. It is as if they were saying, "As Shabbat is to Jewish time and as Jerusalem is to Jewish space, you will be to me." Second it affirms that the wedding occurs with the blessing of Jewish tradition. Hare at confers the seal of Jewish authenticity. That authenticity is as primal as God's love for Israel. The ceremony then turns to the birchot nisuin or wedding blessings. The sheva berachot (seven blessings) form the liturgical centerpiece of the wedding ceremony, reflecting the essence of Judaism from Creation to Redemption.   The final act of the traditional wedding ceremony is shattering the glass, a custom with many interpretations, including to scare off demons who frequent celebrations, to bring revelers back to the reality of daily living, and to call the destruction of the Temples in Jerusalem. It also reminds us of tikkun olam -- that it is our task to repair this shattered world. The Jewish wedding ceremony is far more than a mere "celebration in which two Jewish people declare their love for one another. It is Judaism in miniature -- a cavalcade of Jewish meanings, images, theological notions, and historical memories.	THE HUPPA The most distinctive feature of any Jewish wedding is the "huppah." This term is taken from the Talmudic stipulation that a marriage does not take legal effect until the bride has entered the "huppah." We are all of course familiar with the object being referred to. It is a canopy-like structure consisting of a piece of cloth, sometimes a talit, that is held aloft on four posts, and beneath which the couple stand during the religious wedding ceremony. While this might be obvious to us today, the definition of the huppah was not always so clear. As one reads through medieval works of Jewish religious law it becomes evident that our rabbis entertained serious uncertainties about what precisely the Talmud was thinking of when it spoke about the huppah. According to many authorities the huppah was the groom's house, or at any rate an actual room or building other than the bride's parental home. By entering it the woman was declaring her official independence from her family and accepting the protection of her husband. Various rabbinic scholars debate whether for this purpose an actual house is required, or whether the requirement can be fulfilled through some sort of symbolic structure or act. Much of that original function of the huppah has now come to be embodied in a separate portion of the marriage procedures that we call "yihud," ("isolation") which involves leaving the newly-weds alone in a room together after the conclusions of the public celebrations, so as to visibly demonstrate their new status as a couple. In most early sources it was this secluding of the bride and groom that was designated the "huppah," and attention used to be paid to ways of physically indicating the groom's "ownership" of the chamber, often through special ornamentation. R. Isaac ben Abba Mari or Marseilles, writing in the twelfth century, relates that it was customary to decorate the designated room with colourful cloths and tapestries, or to fashion a kind of sukkah adorned with myrtle leaves and roses. Rabbi Isaac also mentions another custom--one of which he disapproves--namely that of spreading a cloth or a talit over the heads of the couple during the recitation of the marriage blessings. This closely approximates our current practice, though R. Isaac did not consider it acceptable. By the sixteenth century we encounter the earliest references to the four-posted huppah with which we are now familiar. Initially it was accepted with some reluctance, but it is now in universal use among Ashkenazic Jews. In addition to its technical function in the formalizing of the marriage the huppah was endowed with many beautiful symbolic associations. For example, the midrash relates how the very first wedding in history was accompanied by a huppah--in fact, according to one legend, God himself made ten huppahs for Adam and Eve, each of them fashioned of gold and precious gems, while the angels entertained the first couple in song and dance. There was one event in Jewish history which was considered the paradigm of all weddings: the revelation of the Torah at Mount Sinai. In the biblical account of the marriage between God and the people of Israel our sages also discovered allusions to the presence of a huppah, whether in the enveloping cloud of darkness that hovered over the people, or in the fact that the Israelites, about to enter into their marriage with God, were made to stand "beneath the mountain"--just as the bride stands beneath the sheltering huppah on her wedding day.
About Interfaith Services by Rabbi Devon Lerner Both Christian and Jewish wedding ceremonies have certain elements in common. They include a welcoming of your guests, a blessing of you as a couple, your exchange of vows and rings, the pronouncement of your marriage, and a closing prayer or benediction. Of course, each tradition handles these elements differently. Christian and Jewish wedding ceremonies also include their own distinctive features. Some of the unique elements of a Jewish ceremony include Hebrew prayers, the blessing over the wine as a symbol of joy, a special set of seven wedding blessings, the breaking of the glass and the presence of a chuppah, or wedding canopy. Some of the unique features of a Christian ceremony include Hebrew scripture and New Testament readings, the lighting of a unity candle, the reading of the Lord's Prayer, and the declaration of intent or consent. How you combine the different elements and customs depends on your own beliefs and connection to your respective traditions. Some couples prefer a Jewish style ceremony, which I define as a ceremony that is primarily Jewish, with very few if any Christian elements. Couples who choose this style are usually those in which the Jewish partner is very strongly connected to Judaism, and the Christian partner has little, if any, involvement with the church. Others, who have strong connections to both of their traditions often want to include an equal balance of Jewish and Christian elements in their ceremony. Almost any mix of Jewish and Christian elements can create a sensitive and beautiful interfaith ceremony, if you follow a few basic principles: 1) choose words that reflect your own beliefs and feelings; 2) choose a neutral setting for your wedding; 3) include explanations of the various elements of your ceremony; 4) avoid saying prayers in Jesus' name. When you choose words that are meaningful to you, it shows, and your joy is felt by everyone. By choosing a neutral setting, you avoid any appearance that one family's heritage is more important than the others. When you include explanations of the different traditions in your service, you help everyone understand and feel included in your ceremony; and when you avoid saying prayers in Jesus' name, you are addressing a issue that can be sensitive for both Christians and Jews. For many Christians, a service without Jesus is hard to imagine. Since Jesus is the foundation of Christianity, this is very understandable. For many in the Jewish community, however, the figure of Jesus evokes painful memories. Throughout history tens of thousands of Jews have been killed in Jesus' name. While today's Christians are not responsible for these atrocities, the historical link between Jesus and this suffering is still very present in the minds of many Jews. Years of Christian-Jewish dialogue continue to help heal the wounds of the past; but because of this history, most priests and ministers understand and accept the practice of saying prayers in God's name, not in Jesus' name, in interfaith settings.

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