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Q: "My fiancé wants to have a religious outdoor
wedding ceremony. But as a non-religious, non-baptized person, I feel
uncomfortable with the thought of it. What kind of options do we
have?"
You seem to be bothered most by the religious aspect of the service
rather than the outdoor location. Some questions: What do YOU want? What
do each of you mean by "religious"? Can you explain why
baptism is an issue? Is everything polarized? Is there a middle ground?
Religion may be one of many hidden items you have not faced. People
can get defensive when talking about religion. Defensiveness or guilt
confuses the discussion. They should be teased out by themselves. How
well do you know each other? Words may have different meanings to you.
How do the two of you handle conflict? How you proceed could establish a
pattern for dealing with future challenges. Seeking help is a good sign.
If you are having troubles about the nature of the service, do not
set a date yet. It would be wrong to make decisions before you are
ready. Under no circumstances should you feel pressured by your partner,
parents, or grandparents, to make decisions. Love, respect, patience,
trust, and the knowledge that you are the most important thing in your
partner's life should prevail. When this happens, both of you will find
that growing in love, developing a devoted relationship, and having a
best friend come naturally and are among life's greatest treasures. They
are more important than deciding, right away, about your service.
Finding someone to do the service is easy. Most city halls have lists
of people who work with couples to craft a service accommodating their
beliefs. The background of a clergy and chaplain could focus their
approach. Ask for references. Some ministers will work with couples who
are not of their faith without expecting them to become church members.
It may be more difficult to find someone with the skills to counsel
you, working with the two of you in a way which helps you to understand,
appreciate, and grow. Talking about family systems and what you bring
from your past to this union is also important. Have you talked about
how your parents related as husband and wife, after all, that is most
likely where your own models come from.
Strongly divergent beliefs can be cause for concern depending on your
maturity and philosophy. Religious differences require care, creativity
and respect over the years, but need not tear couples apart. Love and
devotion often give us the power to overcome great odds. Let us assume
that you have such love. So let's talk . . .
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Index of Questions asked
by the Citizen and Readers . . .
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Q:
I am 16 years old and I'm pregnant. Should I have an
abortion?
Q:
We are a couple in love, but are from different religious
faiths. Will this be an obstacle to our getting married in a
religious ceremony?
Q: I
come from a background of athiests and I want to embrace a
religious faith. What faith should I choose and what should be
the basis of my decision?
Q: My
sister tells me that her husband is physically abusing her.
Should I recommend that she see her minister?
Q: How
much political commentary during a religious service is
considered ok?
Q:
Why are so many wars waged in the name of God?
Q: My
daughter has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. How can I
continue to believe in God?
Q: What
does prayer mean to you?
Q: An
openly gay member of our congregation has volunteered to teach
children in our church school. How should we proceed with this
request.
Q: My
son came home from school with a Christmas gift wish list as
long as his arm. I tried to explain that the spirit of Christmas
is giving, but I fear he may be getting caught up in the crass
materialism that detracts from the way our family traditionally
celebrates Christ's birthday. Without breaking his heart, how
can I keep him focused on the true meaning of Christmas?
Q: My
fiancé wants to have a religious outdoor wedding ceremony. But
as a non-religious, non-baptized person, I feel uncomfortable
with the thought of it. What kind of options do we have?
Q: What
are your views on gay marriage?
Q: Robert
Latimer's killing of his severely disabled daughter tracy and
Dr. Jack Kevorkian's first-degree murder charge for giving a
lethal dose of potassium chloride to a man with Lou Gehrig's
disease leave me feeling that there's something right about what
both men have done, yet uneasy because this could open the
floodgates to abuse. What do religious traditions have to say on
this?
Q: I
want to go back to religion after many years of not attending. I
am attracted to a conservative religion because of the sense of
spirituality I get at their services. I cannot practice this
orthodox religion because I am gay and have other theological
differences. Is it proper to attend their services when I do not
embrace all of their theological law?
Q: Stanley
Faulder's death-sentence in Texas for the 1975 murder of a
75-year-old woman has revived my own struggles with the death
penalty. I understand how some people, particularly family
members of murder victims, might feel justice can only be served
by taking an "eye-for-an-eye" approach to those that
kill in cold blood. But what happens if the wrong person is
convicted and an innocent person is executed? How has your
religious tradition approached this question?
Q: What
Difference does it make if I choose not to believe in God or
follow any religion? Why is going to church so important?
Q: I
constantly remind my grandchildren of the importance of
tolerance of people and their beliefs, causes and opinions.
However, I recently found myself at a bit of a loss when asked
to explain the violence during the Kurdish demonstration outside
the Turkish embassy last month, during which some police
officers were injured. My grandchildren don't understand why
something that doesn't involve Canada should place our notions
of peace under attack.
Q: Next
week marks Holy week and Passover, when Jews and Christians will
ponder notions of salvation and redemption. Given the
approaching new millenium, some may have apocalyptic thoughts. A
few might plan for the end of the world, the Second Coming, or
the arrival of the Messiah. But should next week hold any added
significance beyond the events themselves?
Q: Tomorrow,
I like Christians around the world, will mark Easter. Did Jesus
really rise from the dead and can His resurrection be proven
historically?
Q: Church
groups often champion the plight of poor people and denounce
vast accumulations of wealth, Yet many have considerable bank
accounts. Isn't this failing to practise what they preach?
Q: Is
there a Hell? If so, can you explain where it is?
Q: Is
the Bible really the word of God?
Q: I
have been pondering the contrition offered by U.S. President
Bill Clinton for misleading Americans about his relationship
with Monica Lewinski and by Prime Minister Jean Crétien for
failing to attend King Hussein's funeral. In some quarters, the
apologies have fallen on deaf ears and have generate highly
partisan aattacks on both men. While weset higher standards for
those who lead us, are we becoming too self-righteous and
overlooking the fact that they are only human?
Q: In
the past few years, several church groups have apologized for
historical misdeeds. Is saying "sorry" enough?
Q: As a
parent of four, I am outraged by the recent B.C. Supreme Court
ruling that struck down a section of the Criminal Code that
makes it illegal to possess child pornography. have freedom of
expression and the right of privacy guaranteed under the Charter
of rights and Freedoms taken precedence over basic morals?
Q:
My father is terminally ill and in constant pain. He
is talking about "ending it all," either in a manner
practised by Dr. Jack Kevorkian or by himself. Is this
morally right?
Q:
I have never understood salvation. What does it mean to you?
Q:
We recently experienced the terrible horror of the OC
Transpo killings.What is there to say to the family and what
message is there in it for everyone else?
Q:
The tragedy that has befallen Kosovo,
particularly its cruel effect on ethnic Albanians, gives me
proof that evil exists in the world and Yugoslav President
Slobodan Milosevic is doing the devil s work. To stop the
carnage and Milosevic, could one morally justify increasing NATO
s military operation, which could result in a global war and
claim more lives?
Q:
Why should we keep the reference to God in the Constitution?
Q:
American Baptist minister Rev. Fred Phelps has
threatened to bring his anti-gay message to Ottawa this weekend.
How far should we go to protect free speech, particularly when
it carries a religious context?
Q:
Does secularism qualify as a belief system and how would
your religion look upon secualrism?
Q:
Do Animals Have Souls?
Q:
Recently a Toronto clergyman married two homosexual
couples. Should Canada legalize same sex marriage?
Q: Who
is my Neighbour?
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